by Becky Akers
We’re doomed: someone posted the pattern for Superman’s cape and a link to the manufacturer of its magic fabric on the net. That means bad guys with sewing machines and the desire to leap tall buildings in a single bound probably can after 15 minutes of cutting and stitching. Heck, the capes may even endow them with X-ray vision so they can peer through our clothing.
Oh, wait, bad guys already do that. And now they’re wiping egg off their faces after publishing online a classified manual detailing the highly hush-hush rigmarole for “airport security screening.” Supposedly rife with “sensitive security information,” these 93 pages confirm what we all know: anyone wearing a badge or one of the State’s unfashionable outfits glides past checkpoints without hassle from the Transportation Security Administration’s (TSA) goons. So do “foreign dignitaries equivalent to cabinet rank and above,” though these are the most dangerous sociopaths on the planet: they lie, steal, and start wars. Indeed, were you listing threats to the public’s safety, you’d begin with them and bubonic plague. Not the TSA. It grants these liars, thieves, and murderers a pass so LaWanda and her blue gloves can spend more time groping innocent taxpayers and passengers.